Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Help! I dont know what to do! 10 Points to best answer with Mature Advice!?

My bf and I just broke up because aparently i was asking ';stupid questions';. We broke up before and ever since then i've been paranoid that we'll break up again so i'd always ask him- is he sure he loves me, is he angry with me, does he love me etc. i know its stupid but somehow the comfort of his response always made me feel better. Last night after a party he was acting indifferently always thorwing around the phrase ';i dont care'; so I asked him if something was wrong and he said nothing. And i asked him if he was angry with me or something. he completely got angry and said,

'; you know what , i'm tired of your stupid questions. if you're so sure i dont love you why dont you just leave me alone. Dont bother me any more.';

I diddnt expect that responce at all. Hes so angry. He doesnt want to talk at all. What should i do??? I realize now its my fault and that I shouldnt have kept nagging him about it but it seems liek its too late. Should I just give him space?Help! I dont know what to do! 10 Points to best answer with Mature Advice!?
Well despite if you're really paranoid or not, you're questions probably came off as clingy, paranoid and desperate to him and that's probably why he got so angry. Those are three qualities that nobody likes in a partner. You shouldn't constantly need validation that your relationship is dandy.

I think you should definitely apologize and tell him that it won't happen again [don't let it!]. You'd know his temper better than I would, so you can judge better if he needs a bit of space right now, or if you should just go to him straight away.

Good luck!Help! I dont know what to do! 10 Points to best answer with Mature Advice!?
Yes you should give him space, at this point there's really nothing you can do anymore except show him that you are not paranoid and that you trust him enough to give him space. Apologize too but just once, to show him that you are sorry but has pride too I mean, if you do get back together you wouldn't want him to take advantage of what he might think as you being helpless without him. Just give him time.
seems like you just want to know if everything is alright with him, and if you can help him if something isisnt. you should try to explain that to him, just say that its out of worry and concern. and if he really doesint like the questions, then you wont ask them. if he'll have a problem, he'll come running.
well all i have to say is when your going out with a guy no matter what the past is you have to give them their space. I mean if u wana know if they truely like you dont ask give them a chance to prove it. Dont ask if he is mad at you give him a chance to show you he is not. You get what im saying.
i understand how he feels, and i also understand how you feeel, but i would also get angry if someone kept asking me every second if they care, so i say give him a chance to think, and apologize
just tell him what u just put down...that u felt secure when hed tell u that he was sure that he loved u and stuff...ur just worried that u might do something wrong that would make him want 2 break up w/ u...and now u realize that being so worried tore ur relationship 2 shreds...
A relationship is all about a leap of faith. You need to trust the other person. It seems like you didn't quite trust him and it upset him. I would give him some space and hopefully things will work out in time.
If yu have broken up before then he must be a jerk move on you dont need that kind of life anyway
You shouldn't feel the need to ask if he loves you. If you were getting what you need from this relationship, you would know how he feels. in speaking to you like that he is showing total disregard for your feelings. You've been open with him and clear about your expectations of a relationship and he isn't interested in doing what he needs to to make it work. He's probably a great guy and you a great girl, but you need something that he is unable/unwilling to give. My advice would be to hold out for someone who makes you feel loved.
Well just know that you shouldn't be mad at him. In a way, you asked for it. You shouldn't ask all those questions. He probably just didn't like being with someone who was so worried and naggy all the time. All you can do is give him time and space to breathe. Do NOT call him a lot. Just let whatever is going to happen, happen. If you want to call him, just let him know that you didn't mean to be naggy and everything. There really isn't much you can do. It's all in his hands now. I hope things work out for you.
Don't take this personally, but why do people that break up get back together. When I break up with someone, it's because there is something about that I didn't like, or because they did something to me to make them less appealing (cheating, pestering, paranoia, etc.) . So what's the point of getting back together with them? Unless they are chemically imbalanced, people don't change, they just pretend to. So, if you broke up before, break up again, and stay broken up this time. Find someone you know loves you, and you dont have to ask, you just know. Your life will be far more satisfying, take it from me, I know from experience.
Ok #1 men or boys dont liked to be asked those kind of questions ! And im sorry to have to say hes not ready for a commitment and no its not you its him. so in your next relationship try being a little more self confident guys dig that, we have all been there so dont let this get you down. It will hurt for awhile but trust and believe you'll get over it, and he'll realize he lost something good and good things dont come along to often.
He seems to be fed up with you and your insecurities. I don't blame you for being insecure. I think your self esteem needs to be raised. Can you work on being independent/self confident? It hurts when someone rejects you and you are just reacting to him not wanting you, then, but it can get tiresome when someone won't stop asking questions. I would let him cool off and then text him with a, ';Hi. How have you been? If he texts back, then you can start slow and build a lasting relationship. Think of ways to build your self esteem and realize you're a beautiful, smart, funny, hot, well dressed great catch. Realize that you can find another boyfriend anytime anywhere, so don't sweet the small stuff. Who knows he may like the new you. Good luck.
honey, if he didnt love you, he wouldn't be with you, and yeah, guys DO need they're space sometimes.If you need to be reassured, this is what i used to do with my bf, i just walked up to him, kissed him and told him i loved him. When he smiled and kissed me back, i knew i was in the clear. If he even showed a sign of caring back, i knew he did.

Just know that if a guy is with you, he obviously cares about you. You sound liek a great girl, just be more self confident, okay? good luck!
First of all, never blame yourself for how you feel, but in his defense men aren't really into women that lack self confidence. Knowing that he loves you cause you are all he needs is a turn on for men. When you keep asking if he loves you, then you might really be asking yourself if you love you. If you feel that you always need that comfort and reassurance that he loves you, then he isn't giving you what you need. In a healthy, truely loving relationship, the everyday things they do tells you they love you. I hate when someone is on the phone with their significant other and at the end they say ';I love you';, then they call back 2 minutes later and as they say goodbye they do the ';I love you thing'; again. Your feelings aren't going to change that soon, when you throw those words out like that, it looses its meaning. In your relationships you should know it is secure and that they love you, and they don't have to actually say it every two minutes.
Im haveing the exact same problem right at this moment. But dont blame yourself. He gave you a reason to ask questions didnt he? My boyfriend says im anoying. And he gets really mad if I ask him whats wrong, so he sounds like your boyfriend. Just explain to him how much you really truely love him, and tell him that your very sorry. Thats what I did and it works for me. But just dont tell him its his fault even if it is, it will make him madder.
I think you were afraid because you guys broke up once before and you needed reassurance. You know that you were bugging him though :o) Just give him some space and let him cool down. Just wait and then if you talk to him, just chill out and tell him that you know you kinda freaked out before. Just relax. Some guys arent into just coming out with their feelings all the time. They have to do it on their own, and it will aggravate him if you push him into it all the time. Just give him some time, like you said to cool off before you talk to him about it. Good luck
By what you are saying, this is not your fault. When I was younger in relationships I did the same thing that you did- Always questioned how my boyfriend felt about me. The truth is, I wanted to hear him tell me that he loved me, and hearing him tell me that made me feel better about myself. It's normal for females to have the need to hear those things. We need reassurance. What I can tell you is that he clearly has something going on in his life. I would give him space. The thing is, if he wants to be with you- space with allow him to see that. If you don't give him space then he won't be able to see what life without you is like. Sometimes it's just better to move on. I'm sure you are a great girl with much to offer. Don't settle for anything less than perfect, and remember- you have so much life ahead of you.
You're not looking for love from your boyfriend, you're really seeking acceptance. Somehow in your mind you've placed this simple human being on a pedistal and without realising it you've began worshipping him. There's something really wrong with that and with your view on relationships as a whole. When it becomes so important to you that he's not angry, or you need to hear him say that he loves you, you have a bigger problem than him.

It appears that you have no confidence and to him you're pretty much not human. You've tossed all of your dignity and respect out the window just to be in his presence and while there you do everything you can to not upset him.

He has no respect for you, this you know because he broke up with you for what he called ';asking stupid questions.';

In a real relationship there is no such thing as a stupid question, period! If a man seriously loves and cares about a woman he'll answer any question she can come up with, even ones that make him uncomfortable.

He treats you like you're bothering him because he knows that regardless of what he says to you, you'll come back to him for more.

Should you give him space? I think that was the one statement you made that gave me hope in you turning this thing around. So please, give him space, a lot of space. Let him go. Take a whole lot of time to get to know you, and find out who you are. Learn to depend on you and you alone, and above all this, learn to love yourself!

I know this message is harsh, but what you said in your post was a glympse into a unnatural relationship. A relationship where everything is centered around one person, him and his feelings. There was not one indication that he's taken your feelings into consideration.

If he were a real man and he knew you were having concerns about your relationship surviving, he'd comfort you. He'd let you know everyday that everything was alright and that not only was he happy with you, but that it was because of you that he felt that way. He'd never let you feel insecure, because a real man would have spotted that already and made sure you knew that not only did he love you, but he planned on loving you for a long time to come.

I hope things work out for you, I really do. There's a real man out there for you somewhere, one that will treat you the way women are supposed to be treated. They're supposed to be loved, comforted, protected and provided for. Why? Because without women, none of us would be here. You deserve better, you really do.

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