Friday, January 8, 2010

For those who give advice on ';marriage and Divorce';. Do you give advice that will get you the ';best answer'; or

Or do you give the advice that the person needs to hear? Lately, I've noticed that my answers are in no way going to get me the ';best answer'; because those answers need some tough logical esteem spanking content.

What factors do you keep in mind when giving the best advice you can give? Do you tickle their ears, or burn them with rebuke?For those who give advice on ';marriage and Divorce';. Do you give advice that will get you the ';best answer'; or
I never tell a partner to leave unless that is the question. As in: ';How do I leave?';

I try to address the issue at hand, and encourage friendship and respect in the relationship.

Also, if the resolving the issue actually is the asker's responsibility, then I say so.For those who give advice on ';marriage and Divorce';. Do you give advice that will get you the ';best answer'; or
Yeah, I think it's because there are a lot of young and immature kids in this forum, they are really playing a game for points with silly and stupid answers. i reckon they should have a forum for the over 40's.
I give them the best advice I can based on my knowledge and experience.

I feel that people (usually) post serious questions here, and have (usually) real problems they need help with. If I answered looking for a best, it would be a waste of their time and mine.

Good question, by the way.
when I answer a question either I provide information I've read, researched, and know to be true, or from other peoples' experiences, or I provide information from my own experiences, and I let the reader decide which is best for them (only they know). Whether or not the reader feels the answer is focused and direct is their own opinion. ';I'; feel the answer is focused, direct and from experience. If they ask for a specific answer, i.e. ';where can I buy this or that';...I'll give them a place where they can buy it. I don't answer all questions that arrive in my email. 99% of the time I choose questions that I do know the answer to.
I ONLY go to this when I feel like seeing if someone else has or is in the same situation as I am or have been, usually my answers are related to personal experiances and are usually reflected in my answers. I actually read one of yours a few minutes ago, thought it was quite blunt yet to the point, some of the questions AND answers her are quite ridiculous, and sometimes are coming from obviously immature people in addition, answers are sometimes quite rude and critical, to the point that these people regardless or age/situation are in fact asking for advise but I sometimes, actually quite often see alot of snotty comments, I've only asked 2 questions and got a short but snotty answer from someone who apparently does not read well. But then again, some of these questions, while partially anonymous, I think are uncalled for on such a public forum.
that is not my primary goal. i try to give help by sharing what think is right by using some of my own experiences.
I'm only on here to be a smart ***. People must like it because they give me 10 points with lots of ';lols.';
I call it like I see it, and if the person likes it, great, and if not, then maybe it gives them something new to consider.
Fair question - it comes down to motives, I suppose.

I think the motive for initially asking the question is because someone is hurting.

I'd like to think this forum can offer wisdom and perspective and actually help people on some level; even if it's just support.

Ultimately, all most all of my answers remind that a relationship is the responsibility of both, so placing the burden back on the asker is common.

I hope that makes sense!
I try to use a little tact and/or humor. First off about 75% of the questions out here are complete crap. People pretending to be something that they aren't. I don't bother to answer questions that make me think that. But when I do get a question I want to answer, I try to place myself into the situation or see if I have known someone in that type of situation. I give the best answer I can. What they do with it after that is their choice. Don't tell em what they want to hear, tell them what you believe they need to hear.
I tell them how I see their situation standing from the outside. Often I've been in their situation and I can share how I've handled it, if it was successful or not etc.
I am not a professional in dispensing advice but I read through the questions and I answer based on common sense and sometimes instincts.

Tough and long questions are not for me, so I go for the keywords in them.

Sometimes, it takes someone else to read through something so complicated to get the asker to see the real situation.

Tickle or burn, I just hope my answers do not do more harm.
I try to give my honest opinion about any given situation based upon the information that is given. I try to answer by giving my advice on how I would react to certain situations...but it is so easy to be the one giving the advise if you are not the one in the situation. I think we can predict how we would handle a situation....but I really think that when our emotions take over....we will react based upon those emotions and not necessarily on common sense. As far as getting the best answer..No I am not looking for that...I couldn't care less...I just want to offer support and any insight that I can for others.
i give answers based on my experiences and trying to save the 'asker' from even more heartbreak. i believe that when someone is hurt it's so hard to sort things out. that's why we're here to present to them the other side of the coin and not be biased about things.
I think of how I would handle the problem. Sometimes I can relate to the question because I've been there, sometimes not. Although I try not to do it, there are times when I get a little annoyed by people's stupidity that I might not give as level headed an answer as I normally would. I get a little irked when people list off the problems in their relationship and it's a huge laundry list of things that should have kept them out of the relationship in the first place. I shake my head at many questions on here, not only in this section but others as well.
answer the best i can based on my interpretation of the question posted.

its not about the points.
I tend only to tell them how I would deal with it if I were in the situation and what I know to be true having/going through a divorce not to get me the ';best answer'; I don't care about that b/c I still get 2 points just for answering :-)
based on my past experiences and my lifes worth of learning, i tell them the truth the best i can. i could care less about points, i care about ppl. and when i tell them the truth if they get mad at what i said, then they really prolly didn't want an answer anyway.

one example a week or two back that comes 2 mind was a gal who said she divorced her hubby a year ago, he immediately remarried, she was still sleeping with him behind his wifes back and she doesn't know what 2 do now b'cause he told her if she tells his wife he'll file 4 custody of their children...she wanted advice on what 2 do...she should have asked 4 that advice before she kept sleeping with a newly married man weather he was her ex or not, or she already knew the consequences...believe me if she really doesn't know what to do in that case herself, no one on here can help her. i was really tempted 2 answer her by asking her age and iq.

most of the ppl here asking questions want real answers and they get the best i have when i answer. the rest of the ppl just need a poke in the head b'cause in their question they list they have already answered if for themselves and don't need anyone elses advice.
I usually only answer questions that I think I can make a contribution too. I have 37 years of marriage experience and Hopefully I have learned some things that might help others. Points don't really matter to me.
What's an esteem spanking?
I just give my own honest person opinion, whether from personal experience or someone I know going/went through same thing...
I can be very blunt. I always give answers and advice that I think the person needs to hear. I'm not in any competition.
Receiving a best answer is always appreciated, but I never make that my goal when answering. I answer as honestly and truthfully with the intention of assisting another. I do not try to be cute or clever and my answers come from my heart and experiences in life. If any answer helps a person get through a rough time, that is all the award I need.
My advice is just that, my advice. This is what I'd do in that situation. If I get the best answer, that's great, but not what I'm shooting for.

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