Thursday, December 31, 2009

My fiancee is so bossy and controling,I can't take it.He thinks he always knows what's best for me?Any advice?

He's really bossy and he thinks he's always right.And he makes better decisions,and he always try and use big words and theres no need for it.The words sometimes don't excist,I don't open my mouth.Any advice?My fiancee is so bossy and controling,I can't take it.He thinks he always knows what's best for me?Any advice?
you might want to think long and hard before marrying him, this is a pattern of behavior that will only get worse after marriage..My fiancee is so bossy and controling,I can't take it.He thinks he always knows what's best for me?Any advice?

Why would you want to marry someone who treated you like a child?
Marriage involves submission in some areas which is hard as h*** to do. I dont know what 'good model' of marriage you are working off of but which ever one you are...note whether its working or if it ends up in failure. I am that typical ';strong willed, I can do this on my own, dont tell me what to do, you think you know everything'; black woman. The thought of my husband 'knowing whats best for me' was like nails on a blackboard-I couldnt stand the idea. My husband, when we first got married and really for the last two years has been bossy...difficult, not really willing to listen, like Im dumb or I understand the frustration. What I had to realize is that God has to show him where he is wrong. Its not loving me to be bossy. Its not loving me to ignore my point of view. Its taking advantage of me to overtalk me. It has taken a mammoth amount of patience but he's gotten better. He listens..he realizes I have a brain and he doesnt know everything. He realizes that hearing me out doesnt mean Im controlling everything. It took God to make him see that though. Your fiance has some pride issues and it takes God to knock him down a few pegs. Its going to take alot of patience on your part but if you really love him, you can hold on through the rough patches with God's help. Most people will tell you 'dump him and get another' but that doesnt help you learn how to have a lasting relationship. That just tells you how to quit.

I encourage you to get into your bible with your fiance and see what marriage is supposed to look like. The 'men are dominate' thing will draw him in but after awhile he'll see...its not about ruling OVER your wife..its about sacrificing all that you are for her. Its been like heaven since my husband realized that. Id' have never seen the day if I gave up though.

my prayers are with you....
So.. a large vocabulary isn't useful? Better decisions are not useful?

Honey... I think perhaps you have gotten yourelf a man who wants to make himself feel better by making you feel smaller.

It is ok to have a large vocabulary, I promise. But bossing people around is not so useful..

The thing is.. do you love him? If you do..then BEFORE you marry him.. find out why he needs to be so controlling. FIND OUT. If it is something you CAN help him with. then go for it. Otherwise.. why marry him? You would always resent his bossiness..and he would want to make you regret it.
All I can say is NEXT..... It only get worse when you are married...
Get out while you can a controlling boyfriend is no fun... it will only get worst...and he is bossy much fun is this guy.....
Don't get married just yet he is already annoying imagine when you are married.
communiction is always the answer: tell him that you NEED to talk and then kindly describe the issues that you are having with him and hi s';comtrolling manor';. I am sure that he will deny it, but calmly and gently tell him that you feel like his trying to be your superior... and you want to feel like his equal..... good luck!!! :)
Well try 2 sit down and talk to him about his way of controlling things?

find the courage to stand up 2 him?

U don't NEED this ish girl, he ONLY your fiancee, just be glad he's NOT your husband.
Say something or leave. If you marry him, you have to realize that you love being bossed around or controlled all the time. Otherwise, you need to leave now, even if you do love him. Your life will be miserable with a dictator for a husband. Marriage is supposed to be a partership, not a master/slave relationship. He needs to realize that now, and you need to realize that most men have a hard time changing their ways. As a man, I know what I am talking about here.
you should definitely do some marriage counselling before you get married if you have problems... which seems like you do.
Start opening your mouth. Don't let anyone walk all over you, especially someone who doesn't know what the hell they are talking about. If he doesn't change, then it is time to dip out of the relationship.
Just know one thing. Life with a bossy control freak will cause you nothing but misery. I KNOW! I married someone who is bossy, stubborn, controling but has no self control of their own.

If you get married, you are walking into hell with both eyes wide open. I look back and wish I had cut my losses, even if it meant living in a flop house till I got back on my feet.

I keep quite just like you do to keep the peace, but yet I am holding in resentment and I feel like a weak idiot for not ending the relationship years ago. YOU will be me if you marry this man. Have his children and it will REALLY get harder to end it. Other people will get hurt, your children.
maybe you should think twice before you say '; i do';. there is a good chance he will get worse down the road!
yup dump him
Honey, your not married yet, if he's bossy and controlling now he'll be even worse after. I've been married 22yr. now. Take my work for it just how he is now is just how he will be after. He's not going to change. You need to find a man that values what you think and how you fill. It should not all be his way and it should not all be your way. There should be a balance in the middle, and you should be happy with things. IF YOUR NOT GET OUT.
open your mouth.
don't marry him it will only get worse.
because you dont open your mouth his bossiness is getting worse isnt it? .....either speak up or leave
Go to counseling. He needs help. This is the beginning of an abuse relationship. Any person is not right all the time. He seems insecure and those are the one that will beat you down the road in a couple years. Anyone getting married, should go to a therapist. Don't get married in a hurry. If it is true love, it will still be there in a year or two.


You know once the ring is on you will most likely be put at a level even below what you are now in his eyes.

Tell him for once you are making a better decision and LEAVING HIM LOL!
How well do you actually know your fiance? I ask this because of the things that you have stated in your info. What I do know to be a fact is that people aren't born @--holes, life makes them that way. In other words, it's the experiences that we go through from the time that we are children til present that set the foundation of who we are today and who we will become. What you need to do, is take each issue that you have with him and figure out the why of how it started. You can't control what others do, but you can change their behavior with how you choose to react to what they are doing. You say he's bossy, that usually means he likes to be in control...Why? He makes better decisions....Is that his issue, or your own feelings of inadequacy because he does like to be in control and he is usually right? Using big words can be the result of his own feelings of inadequacy or maybe just simply that he is trying to impress you. Giving up on the relationship is not the answer to everything. You obviously love him or you wouldn't have agreed to become his wife. I do agree that you need to evaluate these things before the wedding vowels are said. But don't thin out just because things have gotten thick.
How serious is this relationship? If this relationship is not serious, you should really sit down and have a good quiet talk about what he is doing. If he doesn't respond or want to talk it over then make a decision. Just flat out tell him if he doesn't stop then take a hike. He sounds like to me that he wants the upper hand, and what he says is the golden rule. Your opinion just doesn't count, and it's his way or the highway. If you are having this problem in the early part of your relationship, then what do you think it's going to be like if/and when you get married. He will badger and look down on you as if you are inferior to him, and he will do that in front of your and his friends. From what you have written it doesn't sound like to me that you want to live like a pawn do you? You don't need to be treated inferior, and he should not do that to you. How would he like that if the role was reversed. I would find someone else who would care for you the way you should be, and you can return the affection sincerely. Make a choice, and be happy in the future. Good luck, Butchrgt.
Dear it's all depends on how deep is your love for him. If you can open one eyes and close one eyes than this relationship can still goes on. Communication is the key words to it. Look for a suitable time to bring out your disatisfaction. Of course you do not want to bring it up when he is busy and i'll bet he will not listen. i have this problems too with my hubby. When you think he is controlling it can mean a lot. If you think the positive way he can be caring but if it's the opposite he'll sounds like a bad guy. If i give my piss of mind to my hubby at a correct time he will listen but wheather he change or not is another matter. At least i speak out. Try it Toni. It might help.

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